I was the lastcustomer at a liquor store the other night....
The cute girl atthe register said... "strip down, facing me"....
I really should have known that shewas talking about swiping my credit card...
The good news...bail is not nearly as expensive as I thought itwould be!

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If you're ever a temp worker remember these eight words:
"It was like that when I got here."

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Every time I thought I found Miss Right my wife scared her away.

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What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
Popeye almost killed him!

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Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender asks "Would you like a beer?"
Descartes replies "I think not" and POOF! he vanishes.

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After months of arguments, I told my wife I had been secretly seeing a psychiatrist.
"Don't worry about it," she said. "I've been secretly seeing a bartender and the pool boy."

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My ex was standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror and said,
'I feel horrible. I look fat, ugly and out of shape'. 'Pay me a compliment.'
I guess I shouldnt have said, "There is nothing wrong with your eyesight.

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A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.

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Compromise is when one person wants to rob a bank and the other person does not,
and they compromise to rob a person outside of the bank.

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