Two truck drivers are barreling along when they come up to a low bridge.
A sign says, "Clearance: 11' 2".
So they get out, measure their truck, and realize that it's 11' 6".
So the first guy looks at the second guy and says, "I don't see any cops around....let's go for it!"
On his 68th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with the Cherokee Indian medicine man
living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for
erectile dysfunction!
The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and with a grip on his shoulder
warned, 'This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful,
and then say, "1-2-3. When you do, you will become more manly than
you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as
you want."
The man thanked the old Indian and as he walked away, he turned and
asked, "How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say 1-2-3-4," he responded, "but when she does,
the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered,
shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife
to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he took off his
clothes and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked,
"What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences
with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
Hey guys, have you ever had this?
Taken from Urban Dictionary:
sticky sacitis
When your junk is sweating on a hot day, and your bag sticks to the side of your leg. It is notably unpleasant when moving from walk to run, or when standing up quickly.
Damn it's hot today, I got a bad case of sticky sacitis.
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist.
While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees
in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.
However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful
wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's
job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day
and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.
So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and
asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem
and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in
you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go
poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above: "BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME!"
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."
Sally's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
"Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother."
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